At present I am carrying on with my life as single parent. With utter regret I am stating that today my son is a drug-addict and his father has abandoned him. In this way a promising life has gone to waste’.
And I believe this is not just a problem which I am facing alone but a problem that is faced by thousands of women.
But I regret asking why is the involvement of so called father’s this less? When will they understand the basic meaning of responsibility and stop running away from it?.
After researching for days, I have found out the following reasons for the lack of men in black families.
- A parent cannot be compared to money– The waning of black marriage has made it difficult for men to be real fathers as most of the time he isn’t around.Today I am the mother and the initial care giver, I nurse my child and make sure that we have a roof to live under with at least 3 meals a day. My son never saw his father as he has been in prison the whole time.The government gives us financial aid but is the financial support enough for a child? Is it always possible for any one of the two parents to fulfill all the love,care and basic needs required for the healthy development of a child? Can we really replace a parent with money?
- The unmarried parents – More difficulties arise in case of black unmarried parents like us. After I got pregnant my partner left me and decided not to marry me because he could not afford it and he fancied someone else. Of course, he is not the only one to blame..Not that I wanted the piece of trash of a father to be around my son but every child deserves a father.But now I believe,we all should know, to make a happy family we need a mental support which is not possible without each other’s support.
- Mutual understanding – Among the Americans and africans the effective remedy is betoken by urging the men to take responsibility and my partner was not an exception. The fact is that no one wants to take responsibility for their actions. They tend to forget that they have a minimum responsibility that they must abide by. My partner was in prison due to which he remained unemployed all these years which made him unable to even pay for alimony. But at least he should learn to look after his son but he doesn’t nor does he try. Considering that we are never on the same page, we have no mutual understanding to the point where I have lost all hope for my son’s real father.
- Importance of marriage – Since marriage is an important component of family structure, marriage can make our bonding stronger and it reduces the chances of staying as a single parent in very near future. But now marriage often don’t work for black women because marriage is a burden, and a stupid responsibility for black men. They even start thinking their marriage won’t sustain. When I got pregnant at 16 ,I proposed him to marry me but he refused as if he knew that we will end up in divorce and he might be forced to pay alimony. I thought love is enough, to make a happy family but I was completely wrong. We should learn from our ancestors how to live a marriage life wonderfully for our survival.
- The unemployed blackmen – Lack of suitable black men in our society leads to rise of single black mothers who prefer black men. Though my partner was not unemployed, but most of the black men are unemployed and they are unable to fulfill their own basic needs, let alone their family. So they just check out of society, run gangs and take part in other illegal activities.
- The men who are less qualified – There is a typical of having weak men and strong women in black family. By giving excuses like-their status in society, educational qualification, professional life etc, the black women are refusing to marry black men. Day by day women are graduating more than men. So the chance of marrying black men is decreasing.
- Imprisonment- Being a black woman and resident of America I have come across certain incidents that clearly indicate the partiality ruling here. And nearly most of the prison immigrants consists of black men. This shows a wide racial discrimination which I have been witnessing since last few years. Black men are more likely to be arrested as compared to others. This unfairness has led to the enhancement of criminal tendency among these men which ends up with them landing in jail. This is one of the many ways in which children are losing their fathers and many wives their husbands.
- Married to Government– I have noticed the differences of thought in women here compared to that of other countries. Here the children as well as women are provided with various amenities by the government for their bright future. As said,everything has advantages as well as disadvantages. Though this act by the government is appreciated by many, still it has some flaws, i.e, after getting all the requirements from the government, women here think that marriage is wastage of time, they think that marriage only brings in burden of responsibilities. This type of thinking drastically reduces the chances of making a family.
- The welfare system- As per the government the jobless individual here receive an incentives(like 170$/month/family) due to which they think that they there is no need to do jobs. They tend to walk away from their responsibilities and tend to sit and earn. And as a result they are jobless. So women like me don’t want to marry them. Now I have some questions to our society. when did the american dream become so unamerican? When will our children get the right education?. Dream of our own family shall ever be complete?